Good bye Germany!!!

Well, to say it wright at the beginning I will not leave Germany. It isn't a physical good bye to the country of my origin. It is just an emotional one (for now). As I mentioned in earlier posts, I had my problems with Germany for a long time. I never felt really comfortable here and i just figured out it will never be better. A few days ago I read a very interesting post of an American (Resident on Earth) living in Germany. I hope she doesn't mind when I quote the most important sentences for me of her post:
"I don’t belong here. I don’t really fit in Germany, yet, either. I feel like a person without borders. I’m in between two worlds".

My sentences would be: I don't know where I belong. I don't really fit in Germany, anymore, etc...

When I was in the UK as a child in 1990 for the first time I loved this country. I liked everything there, even the houses were much prettier than here for me. I don't know, why every house needs to get this ugly grout always with a new and fresh coat of paint in Germany. Everything has to be "in Ordnung" here. Well, the weather isn't better in the UK but even grey felt less grey for me there when I returned later in life than it does here. I loved the brick houses and buildings that actually show that they are old. Even as a child I found people friendlier there and with better manners.

In 2006 I met my American girlfriend and from 2006 - 2008 I visited the US every year for my whole semester breaks. So I spent like almost 3 months in Pennsylvania and Nebraska every year. I didn't do the touristy stuff, I was part of a family and got to know the normal life there. I have to tell you, I loved it.

Of course, there were things I didn't like so much, but this is planet earth and not paradise. There is no place where everything is great and without problems. I do prefer the German social system with health care for everyone workers protections rights and more holidays and I do prefer the European layout of cities with a walkable centre. I like to shop in the US and the variety of options there but it is not essential for me to have all these options and nice stores. (Maybe that's also because I am a man). I am confused by people in stores who ask me how I am doing and I can feel that it is sometimes insincere and just part of the job. I am also confused by people who talk to you on the streets just to be nice. I am more formal and will always be than my girlfriend and sometimes the informality in the US is strange for me with my German upbringing.

I could go on, but let me be clear, the list about what I like, I can say love there will be a lot longer than the negative one and the list what I don't like about the country of my origin, Germany, is a lot longer, too. O.K. the lunch snack of your working colleague looks always more appealing than your own one and so I might be to critical about my country in some ways. But something that happened to me at work today is a very good summary of my negative emotions about Germany. Let me tell you about the dialog:

Working colleague 1: Well, what do you think about the capture of Bin Laden?

Working Colleague 2: It was definitely a illegal act and once again the US showed that it doesn't care about the sovereignty of other countries. They just do what they want to.

Me: O.K., You can have different opinions about how they did it, but don't you think about the victims of 9/11 and that this guy was a brutal mass murder?

W1: Of course he was and I don't have a single tear for him but the US vaunts to be a democratic country and to just go there and kill him is beneath the dignity of a so called democratic country.

Me: What do you mean with "a so called democratic country"???

W1: Well the normal guy there doesn't make the decisions. The wall street does and the big money. For example in 2000 George Bush bought his election victory. America is just about money.

W2: And you have to say Americans are so superficial...

W3: ... and prude!!!!


Welcome to my world of the last 5 years. It happened so often when I told that I was together with someone from the US that I heard these old stereotypes. It was just stunning how fast they switched from Bin Laden to this.


Me: Isn't it a very superficial thing to say THE Americans are superficial and prude ????

W1: I have a lot of friends who did a high school year in the midwest and they all told me that it is like that.

Me: So you didn't even go there yourself?

W1: No but as I said a lot of my friends told me that and what you can see in American TV shows proofs my point.

Me: I can just say I never met friendlier and nicer people than in the US.

W2: It is a superficial friendliness they don't really care about you.

W1: It isn't honest and I really hate it!

Me: Well, I love it. I can't stand people here who tell you what to do and how to do in a very blend and rude way. So many people here ruin your day just because they are in a bad and grumpy mood and the can't see anything positive in life.


She just looked very confused and I knew I didn't have to go on. She would never know what I am talking about. I just gave up, but I have to say I am still really upset about it. It is such a true example of what I think about "my" country: A lot of Germans are experts on everything even if they have no real point to proof there opinion, they are blend in a sometimes very rude way and they have no manners otherwise they would reflect, what they are doing and saying and that it might hurt the feeling of others. So many people here make the day of others just miserable with their bad mood.

Also so many people here care a way to much about what others think of them. And also everything is negative and will get worse. Aaaaaaarrrgggg!!! someone help me to stay calm!!!!

I don't know if I am capable of a life in the USA. (Maybe I would prefer the UK) I can't say if life in America would be so much better for me. I didn't have to depend on my own there it was always holidays. Maybe I would never feel at home there. But what I know now is that I am not at home in Germany anymore and this is a bit painful to realize. Will there ever be a place again, where I can say: I am at home???