Not just since I am together with my American girlfriend there is something in my country I can't stand. Germans are experts on everything. Asked or not asked they let you know what they think and how they see the world. As always, I have to say I don't like stereotypes and generalisations. There are many, many wonderful and friendly people here in my country but there are also a lot of the first mentioned.
I can't stand people who tell you: "Why don't you do that like this" or "oh my god you look awful today, didn't you sleep enough???" and the grumpy retired who yell at you when you do somehting wrong ae just a pain in the a...The problem is that everyone doesn't like it. It happens so often that people tell me what awful things someone said to them and complain why they can't stick to their own business. I just think then how they do the same all the time. Is it so difficult to understand that you shouldn't say something to another person you don't want to hear?
I don't know why but good manners are not always seen as something important. On the contrary something like friendly small talk at the beginning of a business meeting or in general, with a person you don't know is seen as something inefficient. As a student I worked in a callcenter where I had to put business people through. It happened very often, especially with people in a higher position in a company that they would be really disrespectful. It is very efficient but just rude behavior if you only say: Miller, Mr. Schneider!!! The information i should get was that the name of the person who called was Miller and he wanted to talk to Mr. Schneider. Since these people were in a higher position in a company bad behavior can't have anything to do with a possible lack of education. It always really offended me when it happened.
It is not just the cashier in a grocery store that answers you in a very sassy way when you ask for a new line to open." For you???"
It is also not just the Hartz IV guy who is cutting the line in front of you.
What is it that people behave like that? And was it always like that? Older people tell you that there was a time when manners were more important. If you read old letters or watch old movies the language they used was definitely more polite and less efficient. What do you think???
I think Germans pride themselves on a directness which I actually consider rudeness (as does my German husband). It's as if they take a good thing, exaggerate it, and then pride themselves on being over the line.My last post actually discusses an incident of this.
AntwortenLöschenAs a Brit, I've really struggled to get used to this. I have learned to appreciate directness, but it does frequently veer into what I consider to be nothing short of rudeness! I just have to think to myself, well, that's just how things work here :)
AntwortenLöschenSorry for the late answer:-)
AntwortenLöschen@G in Berlin & Frau Dietz:
Well, that is my country. I don't know why it is like that. That would be a very interesting research topic. People also don't get that directness has nothing to do with honesty.
Oh my god, to be very direct: The amount of the word "that" I used in my first post is just awful:-)
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AntwortenLöschenAre Germans rude or too direct? I don’t think so. There are rude people all over the world. You might be surprised that once you moved to the US you still have the same problem with bosses or co-workers that “have been there” longer then you or consider themselves as “better” people.
AntwortenLöschenThere is something my boss calls the “20 per cent rule”. We were on our way to a client and I told him about the problems I had with my ex-landlord and that it bothers me that there seem to be no honest people anymore. (he kept my deposit and wouldn’t pay it back after I moved out)
He told me a story about his daughter who went to a girls-school that time and that there were 20 girls in her class. The class went on a trip and it happened that 4 girls (out of 20!) did not behave (different stuff like leaving trash, bad language etc.) Soon after the trip this class was known as the “bad” class. The whole class had a bad reputation now just because of 4 girls who didn’t behave.
Why do people always generalize each and everything?
And by the way I don’t get people who are whining about things like: “you look awful today..” Nobody meant to hurt you (I am sure of that!) Germans are direct and I think it’s a wonderful thing to be direct. I don’t like people who do not get to the point. When somebody in our company does a bad job (and that happens from time to time) then I’m telling that person what I expected and what haven’t been done well enough. Isn’t that how people get better and improve?
I’m sick and tired of people who cannot be told how to do something better. Is there anybody out there who can be criticized anymore? Or did we all turn into a bunch of softies?
You know after they killed the American ambassador there was a pretty funny picture on facebook that said: “How do I people tell that they’re breath stinks without hurting their feelings?” Answer below: “I’m bored. Let’s go and brush your teeth..”
I worked for several companies and noticed that some of them were just like you described it (than get used to it or leave the company) and some of them were really cool and we all respected each other.
You know what I am doing when somebody cuts in front of me. I either put my stuff in front of his without asking when he gets to pay for his stuff or immediately ask him if he really believes that was ok what he just did. And most of the time they are like “oh, sorry” and go behind me or they are like “I’m in a hurry and really need to get that paid”. And that’s ok for me because I wouldn’t put up a fight over 2 minutes.
Times were not better back in 1950. They were different.
Believe it or not but there were rude people a hundred years ago and there will be rude people in a hundred years from now.
Sometimes it just helps to use God’s gift. People! Use your mouth and talk!
I am not the only one! how refreshing, thank you. I live in the US state of Wisconsin, of predominately German decent. I too have found a preponderance of this "rude" behavior here and have struggled to come to terms with this. Germans seem to be ready and more than willing to tell you how you should live your life, as if they themselves had found the ultimate truth of the universe!! They seem to somehow "know" how to break everything down to the lowest common denominator and present the true facts as they know them don't they? To me this kind of arrogance that has its roots in fear and basic ignorance, imagine how it must feel to be one of these people? After having been exposed to this for quite a few years I have become used to now and am able to avoid these types of people for the most part as I am self=employed, but that hasn't always been the case and I can remember having to deal with this kind of overbearing behavior on a day to day basis. Also, I have noticed that even the non german people have taken up this attitude as well, probably not knowing it but just a reflex to trying to fit in to society. All I know is that I am not in a position to leave this area right now so I tend to keep to myself and not try to think about it excessively. But I am also aware of the fact that I am very grateful that I am not one of them. To be one of them to me means that you would have to be operating out of a basic fear and narrow mindedness and life is too short for that.
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