Tonight I picked my girlfriend up from the airport. She visited a friend from high school for a week who married a guy from turkey. Since I knew that the Ring-Bahn wouldn't run (part of the Berlin S-Bahn) because of construction, I planed my trip to the "isolated" airport of Berlin-Schönefeld without the normal S-Bahn S41. In theory no problem. The reality: A NIGHTMARE!!!! Because of a broken train another U-Bahn didn't run. All the people just sat in the U-Bahn and waited for like 20 minutes before they would tell us the reason of the delay. So I had to go back to the station then where I came from and had to switch like 4 times, always with a waiting time of like 10 minutes. To make it worse, my girlfiend's cell didn't work so I couldn't get a hold of her. I arrived 25 minutes late and of course she wasn't happy.
I could also feel that she isn't happy to be back in Berlin. Part of the reasons why I have problems with my own country is seeing her struggle in Berlin.
She told me about Istanbul. She really liked the city. "People are friendly and nice. They are not as cold as Germans are, at all. They smile at you in stores and give you a great service. The layout of the stores is so much nicer and US-like. Even the official workers at the airport smile. It is not like here where you go in a store and the workers don't stop talking or give you the feeling of not being welcome or hating their job".
Well, I could go on. It is very hard for me to deal with it. As you know from my earlier posts I struggle with Germany myself and I complain a lot. But somehow when she does it I feel the need to defend Germany. I feel always really offended. I know, it is very irrational but how can you change an emotion like that?
I think for my gf it would be the best thing to leave Germany. But for job reasons this isn't possible for me at least for the next 1-1,5 years. We thought we would be over a long distance relationship, maybe not??? Not the most magnificent situation we are in right now!!!
Perhaps you could validate her feelings, instead of being defensive about what you acknowledge as truth? You should deal with your issue of needing to defend your country at the expense of acknowledging and listening to rather than disagreeing with her. Especially as you hope to stay together and perhaps leave Berlin together.
AntwortenLöschenI'd also suggest trying to enjoy some of the better things here together: this is the nicest week we have had here all year and we spent all of today biking around in the woods and exploring.
Perhaps you and your girlfriend could get a job in Istanbul? What's holding you back? I know summers in Berlin can be pleasant, but the winters? How many more times do you want to walk down the same gray streets looking at the same gray faces asking yourself "What am I doing here? Life is too short for that.
AntwortenLöschenDo what I did. Leave.
P.S. Nice blog !
Maybe encourage her to see it from a different perspective. So what if the workers in stores are jerks, they have jobs so they probably aren't breaking into anyone's home and robbing them. That's what I think when I see some Harz 4 Vollassi who definitely is leeching on the system. At least he's watching RTL2 and smoking instead of stealing my car.
AntwortenLöschenPlus if the no smiling thing is that bad, maybe it's just because it's Berlin. In most cities, if I walk into a store and shout "Guten Tach!", I'm addressed in a friendly manner.
I just found your blog today, and a lot of the frustrations I can relate to. However, I'm an American who moved to Germany, and I've convinced my German boyfriend that we should never, ever live in the US. Visiting is nice, but it's not worth the crime or crappy social system.
Sorry that I answer so late but I was in Budapest and also had a terrible bursitis in my right elbow for almost 2 weeks.
AntwortenLöschen@G in Berlin: I do validate her feelings. It is nothing rational it is just an emotion. I think if someone critises America you might get in a defensive mood even if there is a point to this critisism.
@soso: Are you German or American??? Istanbul was nice for my girlfriend but we do not know how life for people is there on a every day base. I have to do my residency for my job and so I can't leave now.
@chocolate and cognac: I never lived in the USA, it was always just vacation. Daily life just seemed easier than here in Germany. Again, I never had to look for health care or was never unemployed in the USA so I don't know how it would be. Where in Germany do you live??? All my best wishes for you.